Oh so skinny
by uploaded: 24-10-2005

On the Catwalk: Oh so skinny
Goodness, are we bored of boot cut jeans! They drag in the dirt, get caught in the spokes of our bike wheels and have been the default trouser shape for far too long. The movement towards trews tucked in boots gave brief respite from the tyranny of these ankle flappers but the pay-off was the principle-boy silhouette (it's behind you, madam! Yes, your generous bottom at the top of your puss-in-boots!). So hooray for skinny trousers! Sleek and lean and so now we think we might come over all unnecessary unless we grab a pair. Some bints have expressed reservations, however, so we must be fair, as ever, and assess the pros and cons
SHOULD YOU? SHOULDN'T YOU?
Long and lean
Oh okay it's the same pic. The other one had to be censored...
They are extremely fashionable. For some people, this is all the justification necessary. Get a pair now before your mum beats you to it when M&S get on the skinny case.

For the skinny, they are heaven sent. If you are long and lean, your skinny jean silhouette will be waspish, elegant and, with the right pair of boots, an object lesson in shape seduction.

Not all skinny jeans advocates are skinny themselves. For the less-than-skinny, and short-limbed, you'll at least be spared that ring of flesh that often bulges out of the waistband of other types of jeans. It seems that skinny jeans are cut higher on the body thus sparing us all from this killer spare tyre effect.

If you're no tsarina or Hitchcock blonde, skinny jeans may offer an alternative for you this season. Nothing fey or prim about these babies. They have a distinct edge to them in the manner of an independently-minded female rock star, albeit clothed in the slightly less original garb of a feminised Mick Jagger. Chrissie Hynde's tight-trousered tenacity during the boot-cut era is nothing short of inspirational.

Let's all do the skinny jeans work out! Every yo-yoing dieter has her pair of skinny jeans. This is the pair that sits on top of the wardrobe waiting for the day you wake up with Elle Macpherson's legs. You bought them two sizes too small, in a cut that was ill-advised, at a price that was extortionate, with the hope they'd keep you off the kebabs. They have remained a silent witness to your lack of willpower, self-respect and, to be honest, genuine interest in the importance of a thinner figure, for too long. Aren't you glad they're back in fashion?

They are practical. Bike riding is a breeze in skinny trousers. No need to roll up your trouser leg exposing pale, hairy ankles and novelty Simpsons socks. No need for those unsightly bicycle clips or lycra shorts. Just get on your bike and you're the chicest cyclist on the cycle path.
These jeans are not ideal for big-bottomed girls or thunder thighs. We'll have to sit this one out, ladies. Let’s just watch the skinny girls in their high-fashion skinny jeans dancing around like the skinny cats who got the low-fat cream. Yet again Cinders only gets to go to the ball if she promises not to eat any of the pies.

I spent a lot of time as a girl avoiding rough girls in tight jeans who wanted to beat me up on the way home from school. So forgive my prejudiced heart, but skinny jeans signify 80s council estates and bad perms for me. You could get a pair of skinny jeans at my local market for under a tenner in 1986. I don't see why I'd want to pay £80 to recapture the stonewashed essence of my youth when a trip on a Peckham bus at school-closing time will do the job.

There is something harsh and deeply cynical about this fashion trend. It harks back to the 80s, a decade rooted in selfishness and greed and hard aesthetic lines. With skinny jeans, you get angular jackets, ill-fitting court shoes and the blunt cut hair. Do we have to live through this again?

With tight denim, nothing is left to the imagination. It's all sinew and muscle and skeleton. Or love handles, saddlebags and orange peel skin. When Kate Moss first debuted her tight black trousers and flowing cape combo for her mammoth drinking session with Rhys Ifans (a waste of a good outfit, if you ask me) most sighed with admiration. I couldn't get enough of her overwrought racehorse legs. Handsome, maybe, and yet incongruously mechanical and brittle. If magical, powder puff fashion fairy Kate can't make the skinny jeans work, how the heck am I going to do it?

In days of yore, when the patriarchy was out and proud, all a chap had to do to ensure fidelity was truss up his missus in a chastity belt. Nowadays, it's a little harder to keep tabs on the lady wife if you still have trust issues. By buying a pair of skinny jeans, isn't she's unwittingly doing the job herself? It takes several hours of sustained wriggling to put on a pair, more to remove them. I'm not advocating chastity trousers, oh no. But is it progress that we should want to regularly wear a piece of clothing that you can't sit down in or take off without losing six kilos and your dignity?

The last words on skinny jeans? Camel hoof. I rest my case.
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