Welly good show
by
Fran Hortop
uploaded: 02-08-2005
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On the Catwalk: Wellies
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This bint is off to the Big Chill this week. Festival fashion's a difficult area. Comfort should always win out surely as tent living – however temporary - can be soul destroying if you're not prepared, as all the best girl scouts know. So, detailed investigation of various weather websites warns of the likelihood of a soggy time ahead. Good footwear is the foundation of a solid festival wardrobe. Back in the day, bare feet would have sufficed for squelching through the mud and other unmentionable slippery surfaces. But it was also acceptable at the time to listen to the Levellers and wear purple tie-died smocks; things, thankfully, have changed. Walking boots look more Scafell Pike than chill-out tent, flip flops are lethal in wet weather and fashion shoes (wedges/pumps etc) will be ruined and look daft. So, it's wellies then. Or is it? |
| SHOULD YOU? |
SHOULDN'T YOU? |
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Welly good...
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...or stuck in the mud?
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Reasons to wear wellies
Practicality being the number one thought on your mind as you head off for the swamps of festival-land, your wellies will guarantee that at least your little tootsies will remain dry and rot-free. There is nothing worse than spending four days with feet that feel like wet and disintegrating cardboard. And the smell of diseased festival foot in the tent late at night will surely put you off your beer and tofu burgers. And your tent mate off you.
We all loved Paddington Bear. We still do, if we're honest. They just don't write books like that any more. Red wellies and a so'wester are the epitome of sartorial elegance in darkest Peru, so we'll follow suit in wettest Britain. No duffle coats, though. That would be silly and they take on water like nobody's business.
You can get some wonderful wellies nowadays. You don't need to be limited to the boring green kind redolent of home counties horsiness, although Kate Moss wore her hot pants outfit with a discreet pair of country favourites, Hunters, at Glastonbury. From wonderfully comfortable William Morris flowery numbers (sold at the V&A) to ridiculously expensive Paul Smith stripy numbers, the welly is now officially chic. Who are we mere mortals to argue?
For those with serious shoe habits, welly shopping provides a rare opportunity to buy a pair of shoes that you actually need. No one, not even your mother, could argue with the righteousness of this type of shoe purchase. Such opportunities for pious purchasing should not be frittered.
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Reasons not to wear wellies
As with all fashions, we have to warn you of the ubiquity of these little monsters. You might not be too concerned about looking like the fashion victim when you have to wade through three feet of water to reach your floating tent, but that's your weakest moment, fashion-wise. You should never let your guard down. Style is all about dissonance, isn't it? You'd look far more stylish wading in unsuitable footwear. But then you probably wouldn't be a bint.
Some people among you will opt for wellies which instantly recall the days when splashing in puddles in rubber boots was a day's fancy; childhood. The kind of welly you’d have given all your pocket money for, but that no one had yet invented. Lady bird wellies, frog wellies, that kind of thing. I bet these same people will also be sporting fairy wings, bunches. Anti-bints, every one of them.
Spend your hard earned cash on a pair if you must, but you'll never wear them again, I'd stake my life on it. Wellies really are only made for country folk and the under-fives. You'll remember this when you get back to town and then you'll spend the next three years tripping over them in your hallway. Eventually, they'll be thrown out, a reminder of your foolishness and spendthriftery.
You know, I can't think of any other reason not to wear wellies. It's a no brainer. It's wet and muddy outside: you put on a pair of impermeable, rubber, knee length shoes. Smugness ensues, and dryness too. But, maybe there's just something too damn practical about them. Wellies will always remind us of wrapping up warm, carrying an umbrella, wearing the right pair of knickers just in case you get knocked down (what sort of dour, twisted mind thinks of this grim possibility when getting dressed in the morning?). Sensible, practical, useful. Goody two shoes, indeed!
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